Chapter 6: I Thought I Could Be Enough

Nobody moved.
The city hummed behind the glass.
Somewhere down the hall, faint and domestic and entirely separate from what was happening in this room, the boys were laughing at something Mrs.
Paulson had said.
"You thought," Julian said slowly, "that if Mara was gone, you could be enough."
"I know how it sounds."
"Say it again.
I want to make sure I understand."
Victoria opened her eyes.
"I'm not a monster, Julian."
"You forged a medical directive," he said.
"You arranged a transfer to a facility under a false name.
You told me the woman I loved was d*ad.
You stood at her grave." He picked up the photograph from the table and held it out.
"You did this."
Victoria looked at the photograph.
At the date stamp.
At Mara unconscious in a bed in a facility in New Jersey while Julian stood at an empty grave in the rain.
"I told myself she wasn't going to recover," Victoria said.
"The doctors said—"
"The doctors said poor prognosis," Diane said from her chair.
"They did not say certainty.
There is a difference, Mrs.
Sterling.
In my experience, people who use medicine to justify what they've already decided tend to hear only the parts that agree with them."
Victoria's jaw tightened.
"I want to ask you something," Mara said.
She had moved into the room now.
She sat down across from Victoria — not close, but no longer in the doorway.
She sat the way she had stood: straight, still, unhurried.
"When I came here three weeks ago," Mara said, "when you hired me — did you think I didn't know who you were?"
Victoria said nothing.
"I remembered everything by the time I came here," Mara said.
"I had been recovering for over a year.
I remembered Julian.
I remembered the pregnancy.
I remembered the hospital." She paused.
"I remembered your face in the doorway of my room, the night before I was transferred.
You stood there for a long time.
I couldn't speak.
I couldn't move.
But I could see you."
Victoria looked down at her hands.
"I came here because I wanted to see my sons," Mara said.
"That was the only reason.
I wasn't going to say anything.
I wasn't going to take anything from you.
I just needed to see them." Her voice didn't waver.
"And then Leo heard me humming.
And I couldn't stop."
Julian put the photograph back on the table.
He sat down in the chair across from both of them, and for a moment he looked like a man trying to find the floor in a room where the floor has moved.
"Why didn't you call me?" he asked Mara.
"When you recovered.
When you remembered.
Why didn't you call me directly?"
"I didn't know if you knew," Mara said.
"I didn't know if you had chosen this.
If you had decided it was easier to let me go." She looked at him steadily.
"I needed to see you first.
Before I decided what to do."
"And when you saw me?"
"You looked like someone who had been grieving for four years," she said.
"That was enough."
Julian pressed his hand over his mouth.
He stayed like that for a moment.
Then he lowered it.
"Victoria," he said.
"I need you to listen to me carefully."
Victoria looked up.
"I am going to call my attorney.
Tonight.
And tomorrow morning, I am going to begin the process of finding out every legal consequence of what you have done — to Mara, to me, to those boys." He stood.
"You will not fight this.
You will not call your attorney and build a strategy and make this a war.
Because if you do, everything in that envelope goes to the district attorney's office, and this stops being a family matter."
Victoria's face had gone very still.
"Do you understand me?"
"Julian—"
"Do you understand me?"
A long pause.
The city.
The boys laughing down the hall.
The photograph on the table.
"Yes," Victoria said.
"Good." He picked up the envelope and handed it to Diane.
"Keep this somewhere safe.
I'll be in touch tomorrow."
Diane stood, tucked the envelope under her arm, and walked to the door.
She paused there and looked back at Mara.
"For what it's worth," Diane said, "I should have spoken sooner.
I'm sorry I didn't."
Mara nodded once.
"Thank you for speaking now."
Diane left.
Julian looked at Victoria.
"I'd like you to go to the guest room tonight.
We'll talk more tomorrow with counsel present."
Victoria stood slowly.
She looked at Mara one last time — a long look, complicated and ruined and too late for whatever it might have once contained.
"I did love them," Victoria said quietly.
"The boys.
Whatever else I did — I did love them."
Mara said nothing.
Victoria walked down the hall.
Julian waited until he heard the guest room door close.
Then he turned to Mara and they stood in the living room together for the first time in four years, and neither of them spoke, because there was too much to say and the evening had already held more than a single room should have to carry.
It was Mara who finally broke the silence.
"Can I see them?" she asked.
"Just for a few minutes.
I won't say anything they're not ready to hear.
I just want to—"
"Yes," Julian said.
Before she finished.
"Yes."
He walked her down the hall toward the sound of his sons.
But as they reached the kitchen doorway, his phone buzzed on the hall table behind them.
A text.
From a number he didn't recognize.
*She moved the money four years ago.
All of it.
Ask her about the Cayman account.
— Someone who should have spoken sooner.*
Julian stopped walking.
He looked at the message for a long time.
Then he looked at the guest room door at the end of the hall, closed and quiet.
May you like
He put the phone in his pocket and kept walking.
But he didn't forget.